Words by Tara Wagner
7 Words to STOP Using to UPLEVEL Your Mindset | Change Your Words, Change Your World
“Change your words, change your world.” In this blog, I want to talk about 7 things to stop saying, so that you can uplevel your mindset and stop blocking the growth, abundance, happiness, or success in your world.
Watch here or read below.
We’re talking about the power of language in this blog.
Nearly every religion, every spiritual practice, every successful person talks about the power of our words.
The words we use both stem from how we’re feeling and what we believe, but they also have the power to influence those things, to influence how we feel, what we believe, and therefore, what we’re going to be able to do, how we’re going to be able to show up, and what we’re going to be able to create in our lives.
What gets repeated from our mouths gets repeated in our life.
Now, you will rarely see me be militant about this, because I actually think more important than our words is the energy behind our words.
But I do know that it’s very important for us to be mindful of what we’re saying, where that’s coming from, and any even subtle energies behind our words, making sure that we’re aligning things like our words with our thoughts, our beliefs, our emotions, and the actions that we want to be taking.
So, while it is okay to say these 7 things from time to time, it is very powerful and very important that we’re mindful of where it’s coming from and where it’s leading us.
#1 – “I Want”
The first words to stop using are “I want.”
Now, if you’re talking about, “I want a bowl of ice cream,” get on with your bad self, it’s all good.
But if you’re talking about your goals and your dreams from a place of “I want,” this is where we want to be very careful.
“I want” can keep us in a state of longing, which can be very sexy and very addictive. It can give us the impression that we’re moving forward while we’re actually staying in our comfort zone.
We’re thinking about it, we’re feeling it, we’re imagining it, we’re wanting it, but we’re not necessarily taking actions toward it.
So it can feel really good to be in this place of imagination without actually doing anything that might be scary.
Instead of “I want,” try, “I’m ready for,” or, “I’m excited for.” This actually puts your mind and your body closer to a state of motion.
#2 – “I Can’t”
The second words we need to stop using are “I can’t.”
“I can’t” can be a subtle cop-out or a way to shift blame, instead of us actually just saying no to something.
In other words, if someone invites us to do something we don’t want to do, instead of just saying “no,” we say “I can’t,” so that we’re putting the blame on someone else instead of just taking responsibility for the fact that we might just want to say “no.”
It also encourages us to focus on our own negatives or our own limitations, which will leave us feeling very powerless.
So instead, try just practicing saying “no,” or “I’d rather not,” or “I am,”
If somebody’s asking you to do something, instead of saying “I can’t,” you say “I’m doing this instead.” And if you find yourself using “I can’t” as a way of focusing on your own negatives, your own limitations, try just saying “I can.” “I can figure this out.”
#3 – “I Should”
Number three is “I should.”
- I should do this
- I should lose weight
- I should be exercising more
- I should be working less
This is another statement that just leaves us feeling disempowered.
And let’s face it, we have enough people “shoulding” all over us, we don’t need to “should” ourselves.
Instead, try saying “I choose.”
- I choose to cook healthy meals
- I choose to walk my dogs
- I choose to get up early in the morning
- I choose to go to bed early at night
- I choose to work less
- Right now, I’m choosing to work a little bit more, (even though my goal is to work less).
Change these into empowering words, so that you can start feeling empowered and not victimized by your circumstances.
#4 – “I Have To”
Number four is “I have to,” and just like “should,” this encourages us to look at things as obligations versus opportunities, which is just going to create more resistance and more friction toward the things we want to be doing.
So instead of “I have to,” try using “I get to,” and see how that changes the energy behind what you’re doing.
#5 – “I Don’t Know”
Number five is “I don’t know,” and I’m not talking about just admitting your knowledge gaps here.
I’m talking about jumping to the answer of “I don’t know” before you’ve even given yourself the chance to process it.
I see this a lot in clients, when we’re doing a lot of deep inner work, I see it in friends, I see it in myself. When we are faced with a challenging question, the first thing that we’ll often say is “I don’t know,” but this can actually subtly drill into ourselves that we don’t have the answers, or that we don’t have access to the answers.
When you’re jumping to “I don’t know” too soon, before you’ve allowed yourself to think, process, or feel into the answer, you just strengthen the belief that the answers aren’t within you.
And newsflash, you’re going to get a lot of knowledge from people or places outside of you, but only by learning how to go within you are you going to know whether or not those answers are right for you.
I know this one is a tricky habit to break, but what I want you to try instead of “I don’t know” is “Hmm.. Let me think about that.” Then just be quiet. Try to actually not say anything, and just feel into the question, focus on it, see what images, thoughts, or emotions come up for you.
If you don’t give yourself the space to just dwell on the question, you’re not going to find the answer.
#6 – “I Suck”
Number six is “I suck,” or any variation of “I suck.”
“Oh, I’m not good on camera,” or, “I’m not good at that.”
When we do this, we feed the belief that we’re not good enough because we’re not perfect.
This can very much be a habit, so when you catch yourself saying this, immediately stop what you’ve just said, turn it around, and instead say, “I’m still working on that,” or, “I’m still learning that,” or, “I’d really like to improve my skills in that area.”
This removes that subtle label or judgment of not being good enough and instead leaves you feeling empowered about your capabilities.
#7 – “But”
Number seven is “But,” and we all know this one when we hear people say “I’m sorry, but …” or “I love you, but …” or “No offense, but …”
That’s obnoxious enough, but what I want you to really pay attention to is “This really great thing happened, but …”
I’m still working on this one too, where we can have a wonderful experience, or really great feedback, or a total win, a total success, and we’re sharing that with someone else, and then we follow it up with “But.”
So in other words, “Oh, my launch went really well, but I didn’t quite hit my numbers.”
In my work with women, I really found that this both comes from and feeds into a belief that good things don’t last, and so as we hit our upper limit of good things, we have to bring it down a notch, to keep it in our comfort zone, because we don’t want to have too much success, or too much joy, or too much happiness, because it’ll make us really uncomfortable.
So instead of “But,” try saying “And.” “I had a really great launch, and I’m excited to do even better next time.”
If you want to learn more about how what you say or do influences your beliefs or vice versa, be sure to grab my free mindset training, Bottlenecks to Breakthroughs.
It’ll show you my entire belief breakthrough process in 15 minutes and teach you the only 5 areas you need to address to uplevel your mindset.
It’s absolutely free, and you can get it by clicking the button below or clicking here for more details!
What about you, boss lady?
Check out last week’s blog, on why your mindset is like the Oregon Trail.
Then drop me a comment letting me know which of these seven words or phrases you know you need to tackle first.
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About the Author
I’m the breakthrough coach for self-employed women who are barely surviving their business. I help you to identify and overcome your old habits – both practical, as well as emotional and mental – learn a better way of approaching the work/life/family juggling act, and gain confidence in your new role in your growing businesses. Learn more about me here.
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