Words By Tara Wagner

How to Stop Feeling “SALESY” | 3 POWERFUL Sales Mindset Shifts

Tara talking to a group of women around a table in a coffee shop

If you’re in business for yourself and you still feel super awkward when it comes to actually asking for money, I want to share the 4 mindset shifts and practices that helped me go from awkward and “salesy” to closing between 80 and 95%, loving what I do, and actually having clients and customers thank me for it.

If that is the kind of experience you would love to have around sales – let’s jump in.

Watch here or read below.

Stop Feeling SALESY | 3 POWERFUL Sales Mindset Shifts (Tara Wagner) Share on X

Most of us understand the meaning of the word “salesy”. In my mind it always brings up an image of a used car salesman, usually dressed in plaid, and trying to push something on me that I don’t want.

Really, I think “salesy” ultimately is defined as being pushy, trying to push something on a customer or client that doesn’t fit their needs, or that is maybe too expensive for them, or it’s just not exactly what they’re wanting.

But since most of us aren’t that crazy car salesman in plaid wanting to push anything on anyone, I think what “salesy” actually is is just the fear of what other people are going to think about how we are running our business, doing our work, or handling aspects of money.

That was definitely the case for me.

I don’t think I was ever really capable of being “salesy”, but I had a lot of fear about what people would think or if they would view me that way, and my close rate reflected that. It was like 5% because my lack of confidence created a lack of confidence in my clients, my customers, vendors, or people that I was trying to work with.

Really embracing these things allowed me to not only feel confident, but go into sales situations just feeling comfortable and at ease. And that I think is a big part of what actually increased my close rate up to 80 to 95%.

Tara explaining something to a man in a coffee shop

There are a lot of great sales strategies, tips, and techniques and I highly recommend that you learn them. Though if you don’t come at it from a mindset that makes you feel good and that connects you to your ultimate intention, all of the tips and strategies in the world are not going to help you get better at sales, overcome that awkward feeling, or actually increase your business volume.

You can have amazing tips, but you get to have the right mindset to actually implement them.

I find that is especially true for women or for introverts. So many of those sales techniques can seem really aggressive without the right mindset in place, or can actually be really aggressive without the right mindset in place.

So my hope is that these next 4 mindset shifts and practices will help you to shift that experience so that you can implement the tools and the techniques that you’re learning with more effectiveness, more confidence, and more ease.

woman talking to another woman who looks critical


Mindset shift # is to stop judging other people in sales, or in business, or in any implementation of a strategy that they’re trying.

You probably didn’t see this one coming, but this is hugebecause the more that we’re judging somebody else’s techniques or strategies, and calling them pushy or aggressive, the more we’re teaching ourselves to be hesitant, to worry about what other people are thinking, and to avoid the actions that other people might judge us harshly by. And the reason for that is because we’re judging other people.

When we criticize other people it is because we feel self critical.

If we can instead flip the script on that and start to say, “You know what? This person is doing this… what do I like about this, and what do I not like about this, and how do I want to implement this in my own sales strategies?“, it turns it from judgment to a careful examination or evaluation of what ALIGNS.

We want to be really careful not to criticize and to understand that everybody in sales is doing the best they can and maybe it is not your cup of tea, and maybe it is aggressive, and maybe it is pushy, but the more you focus on what other people are doing and judge them harshly, the more you’re going to be worried about other people doing the same thing to you.

When you change that pattern within your own habits – your own mindset habits – you’re going to see that your fear of other people starts to diminish as well.

When we criticize other people it is because we feel self critical. (Tara Wagner) Share on X

Mindset shift #2 is to flip that script. We all want to think of sales as yucky, or pushy, or potentiallythose things, but I actually want you to start training yourself to think of sales as being fun.

And you can know that this is true simply because everybody loves to shop and they love to buy things. They love something new and shiny, and they especially love finding solutions to their problems.

When we let our brain play out the scenario of sales are hard, “sales are sleazy”, “sales are X, Y, or Z… fill in the blank for yourself… when we let our brains do that, we just reaffirm that thought pattern over and over again.

However, if you can plant the seed that “sales is fun” and start to look for proof of that, you can start to nurture a new belief, a new perspective, a new idea of the way that sales can be instead.

There are a lot of people out there that can make sales notfun, but there are a lot of people out there that love what they do and that other people love how they do it. So if that’s possible for them, you know it’s possible for you, and we first get to create that possibility in our mind so that we can go out and create it in our actual experiences.

The way that you can put this into practice is to catch yourself in the act.

When you catch yourself in the act of thinking something negative about sales or imagining a negative scenario, flip that script around and start picturing the opposite being true instead.

Picture times when you had a great experience with a sales person, or picture a time when you had a great experience selling something to a customer or a client…

And either spend time visualizing that or talk it out loud, really describe it out loud, or give yourself a little self-talk/pep-talk so that you can start to orient yourself to this new perspective that sales can be fun and that “I have the ability to make it fun, I know what fun can look like, and I’m going to figure this out and make this an amazing experience both for myself and for my clients or my customers”.

3 women sitting around a table working


“Salesy” mindset shift #3 is to flip the script again and this time I want you to feed the thought, “Other people actually do want what I have to offer.”

Many times we feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or “salesy” because we’re worried that the other person actually doesn’t want to hear from us, that we’re annoying them, or bothering them, or pushing something on them that they don’t want.

Now the truth is, not everybody wants what you have to offer, but there are some people out there who your solution is exactly what they’re looking for, and your job is to help that person that you have a solution for.

Remind yourself this often to help you focus on the right people – not the wrong people or the cranky people.

Remember that you can’t make everybody happy, but you can make some people REALLY happy.

Those are the people you need to be focusing on in order to implement mindset shift #4.

point of sales transaction


When we can focus on sales NOT being sales, but being SERVICE, it really allows us to come from the right place within ourselves because now we’re not trying to sell something, we’re trying to serve someone else.

This is one of the best mindset shifts I have found, especially for women, for introverts, for people who shy away from the more aggressive techniques, or feel less comfortable with sales.

One way that I recommend to look at this is as a server in a restaurant.

The job of that server is not to shove food down that person’s throat, the job of that server is to help that person choose the right foods for them, maybe based on foods they need to avoid, allergies, or what they’re in the mood for.

Now, if you’ve ever had a situation where you went to a restaurant and the server took forever to come and take your order or they took forever to bring the check, I want you to think of that in the terms of your business.

The more you feel awkward about bringing solutions to the people that are there to see what you have to offer them, and the more you feel awkward about that conversation, it’s just like the server who’s not coming to take the order and who’s not coming to bring the check.

It’s dragging out the situation and creating something painful and awkward.

Don’t allow your awkwardness to get in the way of you serving the right people in your business.

It’s not your job to make up their minds for them on what they should order, it’s your job to present the menu, tell them how it could best meet their needs or provide a solution for them, and then allow them to choose the thing that’s right for them.

Don't allow your awkwardness to get in the way of you serving the right people in your business. (Tara Wagner) Share on X


When we show up to serve, we naturally start using a lot of the sales techniques that work the best.

We may do this by:

  • Naturally asking more questions
  • Seeking to understand what’s going to best serve that person.
  • Asking a lot of permission-based questions because we want to make sure we’re going in the right direction and we’re maintaining a good relationship with this person.
  • Simplifying the process and not overwhelming them with too many options.
  • Making sure that we’re offering solutions that actually fit their needs, not just solutions we’re trying to sell or that will make us the biggest buck.

And people can sense our true desire to want to help them.This is why I have so many clients and customers thank me for the way that I do sales because they know that I am showing up for them. Yes, I’m offering them options. Yes, I am asking those questions or what we call “popping the question” and asking, “Are you ready to invest in this?”

But all of those things feel natural because we’ve created this connection because I truly, honestly care about what’s going to best fit their needs.


I want to encourage you to grab my free Bottlenecks to Breakthroughs mindset training. In 15 minutes it will show you where to start and the process that I’ve used for the last 10 years to help women overcome limiting beliefs or bottlenecks in themselves, their life, and their business so that they can create the kind of success they’re ready for.

Again, it’s called a Bottlenecks to Breakthroughs, it’s totally free, and you can learn more here or grab it by clicking the button below.


What are your favorite “salesy” mindset shifts, or any great sales tips that you might have for beginners?

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Tara Wagner

I’m Tara Wagner, creator of the Breakthrough Boss®. I help small biz owners overcome burnout and create part-time schedules with full-time profits. Not with some new marketing strategy, but with a holistic approach to how you operate.
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